It has been a while as far as updates go. I have a running list of things to write and ideas to share, but this is apparently not the season of writing for me. However, it is the season of home improvement, farm living, returning to work and preparing for baby, which has made life very full. Here are some updates on the Home Improvement side I’ve wanted to share for a while. Getting used to slow and steady progress and trying to find the peace and presence needed for patience and satisfaction in work not yet finished. Also, grateful for family that has helped us in the journey, especially my mom and uncles that have spent time and money sprucing this old place up a bit:)
So here we go……. Lets start with the Kitchen!
Kitchen Before
Paneling everywhere
Kitchen After
Grey painted panels
Door going to upstairs office
Which leads into the Dining Room:
Before Dining Room
This place was full of wood panels!
During…
Wonderful painters hired by my uncle:)
almost finished!
After Dining Room
Starting to feel like home
And finally the Attic now converted to Justin’s office. This has been the HUGE project that Justin has worked hard on in between his actual job and all the other projects around this place. Very proud of his work which has become a great place to get away and spend time now.
Dark dingy before stairs up to attic
Wood paneling, no air, old carpet
Lots of dust but lots of memories of Granny, Grandpa and the Lesters
Starting to see some progress
After: Stairs going up
New window with AC unit!
Bamboo floors!
Sweet new railing
and while still very steep, the stairway going down.
Bedroom, living room and laundry have all had coats of paint to add a little spruce as well. We’ll save those for another day and time…. slow and steady (that’s supposed to win this race…against ourselves, right?)
Around 12 weeks ago, staring at a positive pregnancy test, our lives dipped into the world of the completely new, completely unknown, scary beauty that is first time parenthood. Even the most educated, most prepared woman really has no idea what the actual experience of growing a human inside of her is really like. And for the most part, women and men, it is this….. You never really know what’s actually going on. There are so many things that can send you into a complete google searching panic because of this vast unknowing. Foods to eat, food to not eat, cramps that are normal, cramps that are scary, pulling, stretching, spotting, aches, emotions, nausea, the list cold go on and on.
The reality is that apart from the doctors visits, in which you experience the few sacred moments you can see or hear the life inside of you, you don’t know if everything is ok. And for those that have ever lived in the all consuming reality of tragedy, loss and grief, that unknown can bring a fear that if left unattended can be completely debilitating.
And then events like today occur, where I wake up and realize I didn’t have to get up to pee 3 times last night. Then it hits me, I haven’t been peeing every 2 hours for the last week! Oh no! What does that mean?!?! Before real google searching panic ensues, I walk into my kitchen and for the hundredth time this week the chickens have pooped in their food and kicked pine shavings all in their water AND I have no idea how to get them to stop.
So I have a decision. Research something I can actually learn, know and solve or send myself into a panic about something I have very little control over. The decision should be clear because the list of things that I actually have NO IDEA of how to do in this new life of mine is quite long:
…. plow a field, amend soil, layout a 10,000 sq ft garden!, decide which grow beds and lights our plants need, plant the hundreds of plants for that garden, get water to that garden, choose a safe way to keep weeds and moles from that garden, keep farm cats alive, disease free and apparently away from skunks that keep spraying them in the face, raise chickens, build a chicken coop, choose between a dog, a goose, or a donkey to guard our chickens, fix 25 acres of fencing, repair 50 year old wobbly floors……. the list could go on and on.
But the reality is, the fear of that which you can’t control is powerful and can access deep shadows of the unknown. So today, in this moment, while peacefully watching insane chicks jump on each others heads I choose to let go of what I cannot control, to stop researching the potential meaning and risk of peeing less frequently and instead turn my list of “No Ideas” into “Things I learned how to do this year, while pregnant”.
Here’s a few things I can already mark off my list.
Make this old lovely memory filled place a home:)
plow 10,000 sq feet of land into soon to be garden
Explore the 23 acres of woods on our land in Summer,
Fall, and
Winter.
Burn things,
Build Fire Pits so we don’t burn important things,
Learn what a plow looks like,
and play with lots of other big toys
Start liking cats, well two farm cats at least
Keep baby chicks alive for at least 10 days
And all while learning to have a little one growing inside.
I could watch our new baby chicks for hours. I am amazed that with only two days of life they know so much. They find water when they are thirsty, food when they are hungry, warmth when they are cold. They know how to intimidate each other, how to stick together to stay warm. Yet still, like toddlers they get burst of energy and sporadically run across the pen for no apparent reason. They don’t watch where they are going. They carelessly step on each other’s heads. They are so smart and so mindless at the same time.
Who knew that baby chicks would be such a source for reflection today? But I am grateful today for reflecting on new life, on instincts, on creation and on mindless actions.
May you see God in the world around you. May you hear his voice by observing life and creation.
So there we were…. On top of a mountain, riding horses in the beautiful landscape of the Rockies. Fall colors all around us. It was just as we had hoped. It was a last story from the beautiful state we’ve lived in for so many years
And then came the rain…..Or the torrential down pour and freezing hail It’s pelting us from above. The horses are walking sideways down a steep slope of the hillside to turn their faces away from the shooting, freezing hail and wind. My horse reared its head just a bit and suddenly I had flashbacks of being a teenager being thrown from a horse. Luckily, before anything actually disastrous actually occurred our wise trail guide received a phone call from his even wiser and more afraid of injury lawsuit boss. I guess neither was looking forward to their guests being thrown down a hillside. So we dismounted our horses, made feeble attempts to cover our heads from the aforementioned pelting hail, and walk the mile back down to the trailhead. We had every reason to be upset or at least discontent but all we could do was belly laugh our way down the river, I mean trail. We think it may be a perfect last story for all our adventures as Coloradans.
I left a piece of my heart in the driveway of my two dear friends and their three beautiful children on Sunday night. My physical home for the past 3 weeks but part of my family for the past 9 years.
Our little family was part of a larger one that started when most of us were 20-something and single. We called ourselves, “the peeps”. We spent our weekends playing Wii, tennis, swimming, and mostly just spending time learning how to be ourselves around each other. And before I even realized it, I was home.
And so it was for the first few years, fun, games, Sunday hikes and time.
And then life was tested. Things rattled us. The church that brought us together felt broken for a bit. Time that was so prevalent became more scarce. New people came and others went away. The single life for most turned to marriage and slowly a group of 20-something’s were in their 30’s and life looked different.
When you consider a group of friends as family, at some point you’re faced with the choice to stick it out or to go. The choice to stay means going past video games and into marriage battles. Going beyond the leisures of swimming and into the feelings of sinking. You go through not only learning to be yourself but into the realization that people, who really know you, love ALL of you. They often know you better than you know yourself. They see you at your worst, they encourage you to be your best and they sometimes just allow you to stay just where you are.
The choice of community is hard. There are no legal requirements or blood ties. Every day you wake up and you make a choice. You pick up the phone, you stop by unannounced, you care for their spouses and children, you give of yourself to others because every day you choose them and they choose you.
And then one day came and I met a man…and before I had time to stop and think, I realized I was home. God spoke to me and said this is who you will choose. He will be stable when you feel rattled, he will float when you feel like sinking, and he will chose you, everyday. And I knew that my marriage would not be something completely new but a fuller realization of something I already had. My community, my “peeps”, my family had already shown me a glimpse of what marriage and commitment would be. They had prepared me for becoming a Bride.
And then my groom and I were given another choice. One that meant moving closer to more family. The blood kind of family. And so we asked our family here what they thought about our choice. And they all said that the choice is clear, you need to leave us and go to them.
So we listened. We leave one family to live with the other. And even though a huge piece of our heart is left, and our hearts feel a little broken and incomplete, we remember that once you choose family that’s it. They are yours. For better or worse, in sickness and in health, near or far.
So today we choose. We choose to stay even though we go. We still choose you. We will choose to pick up the phone, get on a plane, plan family vacations, and listen when you call. And while our time may be less often and a little less unannounced, we will be stable when you feel shaky. We will float when you start to sink. We choose to let God fill the space between us and reshape our family into something we still call home.
Space Between 